“Love, like everything else in life, should be a discovery, an adventure…” ― E.A. Bucchianeri, Brushstrokes of a Gadfly,
I’m not sure how we started thinking that courtship and romance isn’t important once a couple was married. Doesn’t it seem logical that if that’s the magic that brought the couple together and made them happy, it would be a key ingredient to them staying happy together?
Don’t feel bad if you have neglected the romance in your marriage so far, just make sure to make it part of your married life from now on. And I don’t want you to think of romance as a chore, any more than I want your wife to think of sex as an obligation. Men, I have to fill you in on a little secret... romance is just a pretty word that really just means “sexy fun and excitement”. Think of romance as sexy sparks to get both your engines revving. Some engines need a bit more time to run smoothly, others get turned on as soon as you turn the key. Either way is fun, you just have to understand what you’re dealing with; accept that your engine can idle for a bit while hers warms up, and be prepared to adapt as things will likely change over time.
Here are my suggestions for ways you can bring romance back into your marriage starting today:
- Write your wife a note or text, it can be very short if you aren’t as into words as I am, but include at least two things: one thing you really adore about her (her brains, humor, devotion, cooking…) and one thing you find really sexy (legs, thighs, breasts, butt…). An example: I wanted you to know that I’m thinking of you...how much fun you are to be with cuz you make me laugh like no one else can… and then how sexy I find your laugh because it makes me want to pull you close and kiss your pretty lips. Just thought you should know.
- Buy a few candles and surprise your wife by dimming the lights and eating dinner by candlelight. Or if dinner is family time, serve her favorite drink and/or special dessert by candlelight after the kids go to bed.
- Find a sexy poem or short story to read to her in bed one night. (Choose a passage from the Song Of Solomon if you want an easy starter.)
- Play “your” song and dance with her unexpectedly. Don’t miss the opportunity to tease and tempt her by whispering sweet things in her ear, or kissing her neck before resuming “real life”.
- One day when neither of you has to race out the door, bring breakfast to bed for both of you and lounge around for a while together.
The key to successful romantic gestures is that like a gift, they should be given without strings or obligation. In other words, don’t do these things and expect to be immediately rewarded with “sex”. That’s not romantic, that’s obligation. Feel free to fuel and enjoy your passion even if you have to allow it to idle until hers gets going... only by giving her the time and turn on that she needs will you both be rewarded with the passionate sexy fun that romance creates. And who doesn’t want more of that?