Kissing 101

A kiss is just a kiss…right?

No! No! No!

Romantic kisses are way more than just a meeting of a pair of lips.

Or at least they should be.

Many women find passionate kissing more intimate than making love; perhaps it’s because there is almost always eye contact at some point before, during or after a kiss. After all, it’s pretty hard to remain distant when you are inches away from someone’s face and they are looking at you. This also makes it difficult to hide your true feelings for the person. A passionate kiss followed by a look that conveys desire and attraction is a cliche’ upon which many movie stars have founded their career, yet unlike other fantasy scenes, this one also occurs regularly in real life every day. If it isn’t happening regularly in your life, you might want to think about finding a way that it can.

Many women, and even some men, will base their decision on whether to date someone upon their first kiss. As one woman said, if the kiss doesn’t make her kick up her leg, why bother going out again? It’s not likely to get better. While this seems harsh, most people believe that there must be “chemistry” between romantic partners and if that doesn’t ignite while kissing, it would be hard to imagine that it would be there later in the relationship.

The good news is that you don’t have to be genetically blessed with a good kisser gene. Anyone can learn to kiss well; no one is born knowing how to be a great kisser. But wonderful kissing skills can make almost any kiss a pleasant experience even if there isn’t a ton of chemistry between the couple. So be careful judging the person solely by their kiss!

Now that you recognize how important kissing is, remind yourself of the basics and spend a little time practicing your skills.

Kissing 101
  1. Start every kiss with your lips closed or at least close together. It seems self evident, sometimes we get excited and forget, but gaping fish mouths are not sexy as they approach for a kiss.
  2. When your lips meet, settle down, linger, savor the moment. Appreciate the feeling of your partner’s lips on yours. Press more firmly if the moment becomes more passionate, but don’t ever be afraid to kiss too lightly if the moment seems uncertain. A feathery starter kiss gives your partner the chance to wish or ask for more and you should be able to read the signs easily if you are paying attention. 
  3. Slowly and very lightly, with your lips closed, pull away to end the kiss. It is important to note that ALL kisses should end with lips closed! Fish mouths are not attractive pulling away from a kiss either. 
  4. A lovely first kiss may often be followed by further kisses, and that may be an appropriate time for open mouth or tongue kissing. It’s important to remember that this is where the movies do us a disservice. Our big screens often show people in passionate open mouthed kissing going on and on and on without a break. Reality is that, since one must nose breathe during an open mouth kiss, most real people prefer that they last only a few breaths at a time. I encourage you to vary things by indulging in a few butterfly lip kisses, or tender closed mouth kisses in between lengthy, passionate kisses. 
  5. If you use your tongue during a kiss, use it to caress and explore your partner’s mouth. Don’t confuse it with an assault weapon. It is much better to be too gentle than too forceful until you know someone very well. Don’t be afraid to go slowly and discover what feels best for you and them before you turn up the power. Kissing is like dancing with your mouths. One partner can lead but it doesn’t work well unless the other can respond and follow easily. Moving too fast can leave your partner unable to keep up. 
  6. Following the end of a big passionate kiss with a tender one to the nose or forehead can be an intimate way to end or pause a kissing session but maintain the emotional connection. 
  7. Don’t think that tongue kisses are the only way to express passion. Gently biting your partner’s lips can be extremely intimate and arousing. Kissing or nibbling ears, throats and necks are great ways to tease and caress your beloved. Don’t be afraid to explore with kisses and learn where your lover likes them best. 
  8. Remember that puppies are cute when they lick us with their tongues while drool hangs out. But if you are not a puppy, it’s the opposite of cute. 
Kissing can be the easiest way to emotionally connect with your partner in almost any setting and it should never be simply a precursor to sexual intimacy. At it’s best, a kiss can convey emotion better than almost any other act or word. A kiss can say “I’m sorry”, “I love you”, “So sad you are hurt”, “It’s going to be okay”, “You did well”, “We will get through this”, “You are beautiful”, “I want you”, “I need you”, “You are awesome”...

Unfortunately, it is as easy to get into a pattern of same old same old with kissing patterns as it is anything else. Try to avoid this by looking for new ways to interact. Surprise your partner by shaking things up. Kiss them differently. Use your hands to embrace their face while you kiss them tenderly. Or passionately. Or alternate hard and soft kisses. Kiss your sweetheart for no good reason other than you want to. Kiss them in the middle of an annoying chore like grocery shopping, or cleaning house. Kiss them on the forehead. On the nose. On the top of the head. On the hand. Kiss their fingers slowly, one at a time... you may both forget whatever you were doing before that.

Kiss, Kiss!!